I bought a journal (inspired by the beautiful Belinda and Ronnie) and it has been sitting on my bedside table for the past few weeks willing me to write. I stare at it before I go to bed but I have not had the courage to pick it up. Last night I picked it up.. I felt its weight in my hand, I flicked the course pages to the beginning and I started to write.
"I thought of you today, in truth I think of you most days I just don't admit it to myself. You sneak into my head and I find myself wondering what could have been if the decisions you made had been different. It has been so long since I have seen your face, since I have heard your voice but I remember you, I remember the feeling of you. I tell myself it doesn't matter, that my heart doesn't break for you, but it does. You don't know who I am, you don't know the person I have become, I am so different now. My hands are those of a mother, a wife. There are lines around my eyes. There are scars on my body from life's adventures and there are memories, memories you are not apart of but you could have been. I will close my eyes soon, I will sleep and the memory of you will fade. I am naive to think it won't return, it will sneak up on me like it did today and the torment of emotions will fill my body once again."
I read with tears. I want to read more. I heart your honest words. Xx
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, Elle. So honest and so moving.
ReplyDeleteRonnie xo
Very moving thank you for sharing xx
ReplyDeleteI feel so identified with those feelings you describe ... How difficult it is to live the absence of a loved one
ReplyDeleteWow - what powerful, moving words. I felt like I was reading a novel, written by an acclaimed author. You write beautifully, keep it up and thanks for having the courage to share xx
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your kind words, it means so much.
ReplyDelete